Richard Simmons for Congress!

Richard Simmons for the 33rd!
(Source: Del Far, Permission of CC-by)

The Los Angeles Times, the New York Times, and the Washington Post are foaming at the mouth over who will run for the 33rd Congressional District to replace Congressman Henry Waxman.

 

A conflagration of factors is favoring to bring a real political fight to the Santa Monica Bay in 2014. With two key reforms passed four years ago, open primaries and citizen redistricting, the 33^rd Congressional district was subtly gerrymandered by "the ribbon of shame" along Dockweiler Beach in 2011 to join the wealthiest (and whitest) regions of Southern California into one constituency. In 2012, the new 33^rd  Congressional District race pitted Westside liberal Congressman Henry Waxman against a slate of small time Democrats, a Ron Paul acolyte Republican (Westwood's own Christopher David), and a Republican-turned-Independent from Manhattan Beach Bill Bloomfield.

The contentious primary forced Waxman into his first real election fight in forty years. Opening up a campaign office, hiring phone banks, and publishing campaign materials for the first time since who knows when, Waxman eked out his first victory below 60%, a jittery success for a politician so used to breezing into office for decades. Waxman is now retiring, not because he might lose his seat (although Obamacare has done more harm than good, even to wealthy Santa Monica socialites), but more likely knowing that he has no chance of a chairmanship in the next few years (or decade).

Let the games begin. Who is going to run?

Already, former LA City Controller and number two mayoral candidate Wendy Greuel has thrown her hat into the ring (of fire). She felt a fire in her belly to run, so she claims, even though she had no idea that Waxman "the tireless fighter" would announce his retirement. Right. More likely, that fire in her stomach comes from all that money and accolades she got from the Department of Water and Power, the same labor union props which most likely cost her the mayoral election.

 

With the union candidate in corner, we have the “all of the above” liberal in the other: state senator Ted Lieu, whose current state senate district takes in 80% of the 33^rd Congressional seat. Already prepped for senatorial reelection, Ted announced his federal bid. He's my state senator, the same guy who tried to triple my car tax, who cares more about bears than businesses, who has sponsored some of the most outrageous boutique bills in Sacramento. At least he will be part of the liberal minority in Washington, where his pet project bills will dog us less.

LA County Supervisor Zev Yaroslavsky has not yet announced whether he will run, but his office is considering it. At least, the press guy says so. What good will it do for a Supervisor to represent us in Washington, an administrator who presided over the forced closure of Drew-King, the repeated failures of the LA County Jail, who resists gun rights? This guy has nothing but enthusiastic praise for ObamaCare, the same legislation driving our national debt higher, along with hiking up premiums and pushing doctors out of the medicine. Zev?

In a fluke, Sandra Fluke of "Pay for my reproductive Freedom!" fame may run for the seat, too. From special interest to just plain special. Oh brother! Even State Senator Fran Pavley may run. At least she argued that Sacramento should put the bullet train boondoggle on hold.

 

Just to remind everyone: two independents already announced their campaigns to unseat (kind of) Waxman. Hollywood-Malibu producer Brent Roske declared first, followed by spiritual author-lecturer Marianne Williamson. Who can make this stuff up? This cast of clowns, crazies, and political cranks reminds me of the 2003 recall, if anyone can (or cares to) recall.

But there is another rich, white socialite, with liberal tendencies, a humanitarian streak, with Jewish roots, who can go to Congress and get everyone to work things out. He can reach across the aisle, and get both sides to exercise their powers of persuasion to trim the fat and cut the pork out of government.

I am thinking of none other than Beverly Hills resident, noted actor, Late Night talk show guest, and health guru Richard Simmons!

Think this idea is far-fetched? (C’mon, Fluke wants to run!) Someone already asked him the question on Twitter:

Abby Livingston @RollCallAbby

Hey @TheWeightSaint - the Congressman in Beverly Hill retired. Are you gonna run for Congress?

Richard Simmons sent back the following:

Richard Simmons        ✔ @TheWeightSaint Follow

@RollCallAbby i think not lol

He should rethink. We could use his health-conscious, calorie-cutting charisma in Washington. We need a uniter, not a divider, an outsider who knows how to dance, and who can get those old partisans to sweat (to the oldies!) He has glamor and flair, and instead of shutting people down who disagree with them, he can get them to step up and take control of their lives. He has more Hollywood panache than Roske, better results than Williamson, and he’s really rich, like GOP-Indie Bloomfield.

Think it over, Richard! Exercise your rights, run for Congress! (If you’re a Republican, even better!)

Richard Simmons for the 33^rd!